Many balls to juggle

The thing about weddings in particular, as opposed to other types of events, is how complex they can be. To start, I’m going to talk about five elements that are naturally occurring at weddings. Five elements that make them more complex, starting with the structure.

The structure of weddings, there’s usually three parts, which are the ceremony, the cocktail hour, and the reception. Sometimes there’s a fourth part which is an after-party if the bride and groom decide to do that. Each one of those parts requires vendors, setup, and communication. That’s already complex as a baseline.

The second item–or element of complexity–is the guests themselves. Even if you have 12 guests, 40 guests, a hundred guests, a hundred fifty guests, sometimes a 300-person wedding each one of those makes it more and more complex to organize these people, communicate with them, seat them, and serve them. All difficult while making them feel welcomed and part of the event.

The third element of complexity related to those guests is the pressure to impress them. Though these are friends and family, they’re still this pressure to impress, or maybe even for the event to go well in front of this audience you have here. Plus, the added drama between friends or family, or maybe tensions that developed over the planning process, is common.

The fourth element of complexity is the cost. The average cost of a wedding in 2019 is $35,000. Compare the cost of a wedding, whether it be $33,000 or less, is it’s roughly the price of a brand-new car. But a brand new car is not built in a single day. You’re expecting your wedding to happen all in one day and be flawless.

The fifth element adding to the complexity is it is probably your first or second time doing this. I’m not saying wedding planning is rocket science or anything, but like any skill, it takes practice and experience to do well. I don’t think I know everything that could go wrong at a wedding, and it’s likely you don’t either. But that adds another layer of complexity.

Who’s holding the steering wheel of your wedding?

It’s important to determine your role on the day of the event.

Are you attending the event?

Or are you working the event?

By attending, I mean enjoying participating, not worrying about when things are happening, or how they’re happening behind the scenes. You’re there to socialize, mingle with guests, etc.

Whereas if you’re working the event, you are there early to ensure vendors are there, set up is happening as it’s supposed to, it’s looking like it’s supposed to, things are happening by the time they’re supposed to, to have the event happen. Then once the event happens, you’re in charge of all the unique wedding entertainment you’ve decided on.

You are “working the event.”

You’re cueing the wedding magician, the musicians, and DJs, you are lining people up for the ceremony or grand entrance, you’re guiding guests from one place to another, or answering guests’ questions.

That’s what I mean by working at the event. Which is it?

If you answered, “no, I don’t see myself working the event,” is okay, especially if it’s Your Wedding!

I like this question about attending versus working at the event because it points out that someone has to be working at the event and creates this tension between planning and executing, which you are in the middle of.

You’re in the middle of it because you hold all the information as the primary planner. You’re the one who has the bird’s eye view of how the event is supposed to go, how the pieces are supposed to come together, and how it’s supposed to look, smell, and feel.

On the day of the event, if you go into it thinking you’re attending, but you don’t have someone working, the vendors are going to come to you for information, answers to questions, approval; “is this okay, is that how it’s supposed to look?”; and problem-solving when things go wrong.

You cannot expect to go into an event with all the information, and not share that with anyone and expect the event to magically happen without your guidance, because of those elements of complexity.

Weddings are complex to happen on their own without supervision and leadership. They’re like children. You never know what’s going to happen. You need some supervision and leadership. If you aren’t providing that supervision and leadership working the event and executing it, then who is? Is that another guest, and is that fair to that guest to put that responsibility on them?

Most simply put, if you want to participate and enjoy and attend the event, while having the event go smoothly and well-executed, then you’re going to need some help.

It’s possible to plan the entire event and hand over all information to a coordinator for them to execute. For them to worry about all those information distribution answers, approvals, and problem-solving. Such delegation should be freeing because there’s a way to plan your event while attending it on the day of the event.

In this next section, I’m going to talk about the levels of coordination for you to determine what type of wedding coordinator is going to be best for you and your budget you can attend the event

Types of event coordinators

When people think of wedding planning, they probably are thinking of a full-service wedding planner. Full service means they planned the entire wedding from start to finish. When I worked at a full-service wedding coordinator, we would meet with a client in the beginning, and the client would tell us everything about themselves– about how they felt about each other, what they wanted from the wedding, about the look and feel, about their history.

We would take information, and we’d have an event designer create the entire look and feel of the wedding. We’d pitch that to the client; if they approved it, they could make changes, whatever they want. We started moving forward with the logistics; someone else from the team would take over and start putting the pieces together.

At every junction, we’d have the client’s input. We would narrow down all the color tablecloths, like two ones, and send that to the time and they would choose between the two tablecloths. Or, if things were going to be a bit more expensive for a certain look, we’d always approve that by the clients. The clients determine the entire look and feel of the event without worrying about all the logistics.

They could come in on the day of the event and enjoy and bask in everything they decided on. What an experience! But a full-service coordinator comes with a high price tag for that amount of attention to detail and the entire team working on your wedding for that long.

Beyond a full-service coordinator, there is a spectrum of types of other coordinators. Most wedding planners out there have packages that have levels of involvement throughout the planning process. You could have someone help you more throughout the planning process then take over on the day of. Or you can have someone come in blind on the day of, and execute the event. S. Someone who doesn’t have to give you attention throughout the planning process is going to cost a lot less, but they will not have all the information they need to do an excellent job.

Most people opt to go with a month-of coordinator, where the client does most of the planning then the month of, the wedding coordinator comes in and buttons up everything. You’ve tossed the baton, and they execute the event.

It depends on you and your budget, what packages you can afford, and how many levels of involvement you think you’ll need. If you feel lost, you might need a bit more help, but maybe there’s a package that spaces these meetings out over a longer period than that last month the planner can help you throughout the process a bit more.

Say you have a day-of coordinator, but you’re struggling with all your decisions, you’re not sure if it’s going to work together, and you’re struggling it’s not looking like what you wanted it to, you could hire an event designer to help you with that aspect of it. It’ll still be pricey, but to get the look and feel you want, it could be worth it for you to have someone help you figure out what things go together to make your message be heard that this is about you and your groom or you and your fiance.

The event designer is another option, or there’s a la carte. Maybe you’re struggling with a project, or you want to surprise your fiance with something. You can add on to that coordinator or get a coordinator to help you with the logistics of the special projects. Say you want to surprise your fiance with a band that takes a lot of additional logistics, and if you don’t have time for that, you can hire someone to take care of item.

Beyond the day-of coordinator, full-service, or month-of, you can think about your venue contact. Sometimes they’ll be there to help you plan it. But remember if you’re going to ask the venue or your friend or anything like that remember that someone has to be working as I said earlier. Someone has to be that person holding all the information giving us supervision and leadership. I would go with a coordinator, but if the venue has someone dedicated to it and the venue includes it in the price of your venue, that’s great; maybe you don’t need an additional coordinator. Talk with them and determine what’s right for you, your level of input needed, and your budget.

Working with a wedding coordinator

Now you’ve hired a wedding coordinator, I’m going to share some tips they’re not everything under the sun, but these are some tips for you when working with your coordinator to utilize your time together.

I’m going to use the “she” pronoun because most wedding planners are female, but they’re not always, but I am going to use that she pronoun for this article.

First off, and this applies even if you have a full-service wedding coordinator, make sure you listen to her when she says things are difficult. She’s probably speaking from experience, and basing her recommendations on your budget. At the same time, it’s okay to ask why she’s recommending you do something in some way. You and your coordinator are split on how to do something. She’s pushing you for one thing, and it’s making you uncomfortable.

To get out of the situation, instead of demanding her to do it your way, make sure you’re asking why she recommends doing it, and how much it would cost to do it your way. That way, you can hear where she’s coming from and why she’s recommending you do something. Maybe she’s seen it successful in the past, or it’s within your budget.

Once you know, “oh if I do it this way, it’s going to cost me an extra $10,000, no, let’s do it your way.” you guys can make a decision together and move forward without all the frustration.

Number one tip is to make sure you’re listening when she says things are difficult.

The rest of these tips apply if you don’t have a full-service wedding coordinator.

If you have a limited amount of meetups, phone calls, and emails, texts, et cetera, you want to make sure the ownership and responsibility of this event are still on you.

Your coordinator is your support; she’s your person to go to for advice and recommendations; she hasn’t been hired to do everything for you. The onus is still on you to get the event done. The good news is you have an incredible resource you’re on right now and is called the internet. Videos, articles, and much information are on the internet you can do this on your own, and I fully believe you can. I recommend going as far as you possibly can with stuff before your meetup; and then utilizing your time with her to ask more questions. Because what the internet doesn’t have, my articles, they can’t provide you with your event recommendations.

They don’t know where you are in the world, what weather it is, what your guests are like, what your family relationships are like. People can’t guess that. But your wedding coordinator should know your event intimately or can recommend things to you that the internet cannot.

Don’t wait for your coordinator to say, “now is a good time to hire a baby company.” no! Research online, find the baby company you like, you can even sign a contract, then alter your order later. Bring the order with you to your next meetup, and have her review it so she can give the input for your event.

Have a list of questions ready for the event coordinator when you go into the meeting, then make sure you have a list of things that she thinks you should be doing next. She might automatically provide this to you. Maybe she has his master checklist. But check in on the checklist and make sure you have a list you can have her advice, along with the internet advice, for you to move forward.

Your event coordinator might have already built a pre-wedding meetup into your package. But if not, make sure to save one of your meetups or phone calls to be right before the wedding.

Right before the wedding is your opportunity for your final offloading of information, passing the baton, transfer of power, whatever you want to call it. The pre-wedding meetup is your opportunity to give everything you know to her so she can do the best job she possibly can. Tell her all the changes, even the family drama, tell her everything so she can make better decisions when something comes up on the day of the event, and you don’t have to worry. Have that last meeting, and during that last meeting, be sure to communicate with her how much you want to be involved as the planner and information holder, and how much you want to be involved on the day of the event.

I recommend telling her to use her own best judgment on everything unless it’s highly critical. By giving her your blessing, it gives her the authority to make decisions on the day of the event. It puts her in that supervisory and leadership role that’s needed at weddings to make things go smoothly and happen as they’re supposed to. It allows you to let go. After that point, it’s in her hands, and she’s going to do the best job she can.

You could give her the following blessing with a caveat. You could say, “i want you to use your best judgment on everything, but I do want to see the tablescape before guests arrive.” or “i want to see this slideshow, or talk to the DJ.” you can add one caveat into her day to make sure she pulls you in on that one item, then the rest of the time, it’s up to her.

Post-wedding communications

You made it through the wedding! Now what?

After the event, give it a few days, but on a Monday or Tuesday following the event, make sure you have a debrief meeting with your wedding coordinator before you talk to any other vendors. I cannot stress how this little debrief meeting is or phone call; it could be a phone call, no problem. But talk to your coordinator first.

Generally, your wedding coordinator will know more about what happened at your event than you will, especially if you were the bride or groom because they will have all the background knowledge as the frontround knowledge of what happened. Debriefing the event can be fun to relive things and see how it went from someone else’s perspective. I’m sure you probably already have been asking your other guests, but it’s fun to hear from your coordinator how it went on the back end.

If something did not go exactly to plan, your wedding coordinator probably had to scramble to find a solution. It’s always good to hear what went into that solution. What if something else is being charged to you? Or if it was a vendor’s fault, what happened?

It’s good to talk to your coordinator first because she’ll probably know about it. She’s on your team, and she has enough “event knowledge” to source out –even if she didn’t physically see it– she can probably guess where something originated or started from.

If something goes wrong, your wedding coordinator could help you think about how to approach that vendor. If it’s full service, she’ll probably do this for you if she hasn’t already. If it’s not full service, it’ll be on you because it’s your relationship with the vendor. She’ll tell you how to approach it. You have her word about what happened, along with your site’s input or a friend’s input on what happened.

She can help you guide what to ask for. Sometimes that’s a partial refund, sometimes that’s an apology, maybe it wasn’t something big, but you want to confront your vendor about it. She can help guide you with that.

On the flip side of that, what if a vendor went above and beyond? Your wedding coordinator can help you determine if that vendor deserves an extra little gift. Maybe a cash tip or an online review. She can help you know about it. Sometimes, when a vendor goes above and beyond, you don’t notice it. You don’t notice it because something happened as it was supposed to. You don’t know something crazy happened in the background that had nothing to do with your vendors, but your vendors were able to scramble together and make something happen you don’t even notice it.

She’s a good resource for you to know what happened on the good back end. Along with that, maybe it’s your wedding coordinator that went above and beyond. You’ll probably know this on the day of the event, or maybe in the debriefing meeting, you’ll hear about all the things she had to deal with. If something was challenging, it might be worthwhile to give her a cash tip. I wouldn’t mention that during the debrief meeting, but you can give her a little something, and send it in the mail as an additional thank you.

I hope by now you feel you know whether you should hire a wedding coordinator for your upcoming event or wedding. I hope you feel confident about hiring a coordinator that fits your budget and wedding. You know how to utilize your coordinator before, during, and after your event.

Hiring a wedding coordinator

Should I hire a wedding coordinator?

Many balls to juggle

Who’s holding the steering wheel of your wedding?

Types of event coordinators

Working with a wedding coordinator

Post-wedding communications